Panda Nap, Super Smart Bear, and Popular Status Quotes

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Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend’s house.
“I wanna kiss you so bad right now.” “what?” “Damn autocorrect, I meant hey”
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.
I love sleeping. Mainly because my life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake.
Nice cologne. Must you marinate in it?
Dear food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
It’s a joke, not a dick. Don’t take it so hard.
What doesn’t kill you, seriously disappoints me.
Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
Sleeping is so hard when you can’t stop thinking.
I’m not an alcoholic. I’m soberphobic.
“I’m going to tell your mom” -scariest sentence ever as kid.
I love friends who can do stupid things together with me.
Whenever I am out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
(._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.) They see me rolling. They hating.
“Ok, ok, yes, uh huh, ok, alright.” -Me, talking to my mom.
Kanye West naming his baby North can only be topped if Drake Bell names his child Taco.
Gay marriage is legal in 6 states having sex with a horse is legal in 23 good going folks.