Facebook Status Updates

Onesie Puppy, Goat Gruff, & ROFL Statuses

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ROFL Status Updates:

Your best friend is someone who you can have a conversation with through facial expressions alone.
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.
Some people are normal…what an awful, boring existence that must be.
Saying to your friend “Hey, there’s your best friend!” when you see someone they hate.
I turn down my radio to park my car.
I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
I don’t judge people based on color, race, religion, sexuality, or gender…I base it on whether or not they’re an asshole.
You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy food and that’s pretty much the same thing.
Every kid knows this conversation:
“Hey, did you ask yet?”
“No, my moms in a bad mood.”
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
I could amaze you with the things I don’t know and terrify you with the things I do know.
I’m bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
One time I put my phone in my pocket and didn’t take it out for like almost 5 minutes.
Rule #1 of the Internet: Nothing you put online, even for a second, can ever be taken down.
You make my tummy flutter.
It’s kind of uncomfortable.
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
My goal today is to turn actions into thoughts.
Why talk when you can type?