That One Friend, Guilty Dog Strikes Again, and Smart Status Updates

Editorial Team

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Make someones day, share one of these…

20 Smart Status Updates:

Adulthood: I haven’t checked my bank account in weeks, but my card hasn’t been declined yet so everything must be fine.
My parents are lucky I was too lazy to go through a rebellious phase.
My whole life is just “oh ok”
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
Boom, crash, the sound of my grades.
Do you ever have those people that just annoy you so much and you don’t even know why but they just infuriate you?
Two tips for Christmas:
1) Forget the past, you can’t change it.
2) Forget the present, I didn’t get you one.
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
A careful driver is one who just saw the car ahead of him get a traffic ticket.
I don’t like being around people who don’t eat as much as I do.
That horrible feeling you get when you’re not asleep anymore.
The older I get, the more I understand someone’s desire to just say-“F-ck it. I’m going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge.”
Decided to make a life altering decision today…. When I think of it I’ll let you know.
I don’t like who I am when I see a wasp.
That awkward moment when you don’t understand the feeling that you’re feeling.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
Yes, I’m wearing sunglasses inside. No, I don’t wanna talk about it.
I put on a layer of fat for the winter. Unfortunately, I put it on in the winter of ’98.
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
One day you’re the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you’re toast.