You Need a Nap, Lay Still, and 20 Fun Facebook Status Updates

FunnyStatus Team

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Make someones day, share one of these…

20 Fun Facebook Status Updates:

That awkward moment when someone catches you talking to yourself.
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.
Short people are just concentrated awesome.
Why a coffee IV has not been invented is beyond me. What is modern science so busy with?!!?
normal person:
– sings lyrics
me:
– sings lyrics
– sings backup vocals
– sings guitar riffs
– plays air drum the entire song
– head-bangs
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
If Bane finds something really annoying is it the Batman of his existence?
I want dinner. And I’d like someone else to make it.
I DON’T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON-Never mind, I found it.
I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
Chrome should have a feature that allows you to mute a tab by clicking the speaker icon it displays.
Saying an actors performance was unbelievable is actually an insult.
I’ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
Do the world a favor: seek medical attention to have whatever has burrowed up your ass safely removed. Also, recycle.
It takes 2 seconds to pick up a penny. That’s technically $18 an hour. More than I make at work.
Is setting a liars pants on fire technically considered arson? Need to know ASAP.
Ever update an app and realize the “fixed issues” were all a lie and it will never be the same? That’s what going back to an ex is like.
The day I see a runner smiling is the day I’ll consider it.
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?