My Closet, Gopher Problems, & Top 20 Status Updates


From this week on Facebook..

Top 20 Status Updates:

  1. No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch.
  2. Accidentally downloaded the clean version of a song and now my day is ruined.
  3. Hispanic magician: “I will disappear on the count of three. Ready? Uno, dos” *poof* And just like that he vanished without a tres
  4. I’ll stop wearing black when they create a darker color.
  5. My light at the end of the tunnel is the fridge light at 2 am.
  6. There is some person at Google who’s only job is to figure out what the GoogleDoodle will be for the day.
  7. Me every time I eat: this is why I’m fat
  8. I love when strangers smile at me and I smile back and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.
  9. When you accidentally open a message and now you have to reply.
  10. Boyfri(end). Girlfri(end). Piz(forever)za.
  11. Broccoli: “I look like a tree.” Walnut: “I look like a brain.” Mushroom: “I look like a umbrella.” Banana: “I don’t like this game.”
  12. My favorite part in Pretty Woman is her joy when he agrees to pay $3,000 for 6 days, effectively lowering her rate from $100/hr to $21/hr
  13. Sometimes, I don’t know how I’m going to get through the day. Then I remember: I have beers waiting for me at home. I can do this for them.
  14. Like a good neighbor State Farm and I haven’t ever spoken.
  15. Whenever my phone rings I’m like “omg! Why is this happening to me!”
  16. Don’t worry about the grass on the other side. It’s not your grass.
  17. One man built a lavish castle to keep her, the other man would burn the kingdom down to get to her.
  18. Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
  19. It was only after the other brothers of The Jackson 5 refused to let him join that little Samuel L. Jackson first became angry.
  20. Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?

Funny Pics | Gifs | VideosYesterdays Status Updates

But, what if I wear it someday??


Haha, I think pretty much everyone can relate to that one.

Gopher problems solved:

LOL! Can someone please verify if this works? It’s too absurd to not work.

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