Facebook Status Updates

Musical KittEh, Sandwiches, and Best Status Posts

Editorial Team

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20 of the Best Facebook Status Posts:

The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they all have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 14:27PM on 23/04/2008.
When I’m quiet:
1) tired
2) don’t have anything to talk about
3) over-thinking
4) upset
5) falling apart
6) all of the above
Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today.
Sometimes it’s better to keep using the wrong key until you find the right lock.
Based on my current rate of income, I estimate a comfortable retirement about 200 years after my death.
See, this is why I never like too wake up, it means doing things.
Inside a chalk body outline is probably the safest place to stand because what are the chances of two people dying in the exact same spot?
Don’t even think I wont judge you by how you unfoil your burrito, because I will.
Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
Kids, you don’t have to be the leader. Just make sure the leader likes you.
Don’t you just love when people ask for your opinion and when you tell them what you think they argue with you about it.
I’m late for a disappointment.
Screw that “love is all you need” shit. I need SHOES.
You pay money at a theme park to stand still in line for the opportunity to sit down in motion.
Why do tribal women’s boobs not get blurred out but everyone else’s do? Judging by quality, I think it should be the other way around.
The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.