Mouse Dance, Cup Holder Sleep, and Best Status Updates

Make your weekend last, share one of these…

20 Best Facebook Status Updates This Week:

  1. I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.
  2. For job interviews, your best bet is to dress as a pizza delivery person, march in and say “Who ordered DILIGENCE and ATTENTION TO DETAIL!?”
  3. Let me be clear, I don’t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment.
  4. Answering the phone with a blast from an air horn sure has decreased the number of unwanted incoming calls considerably.
  5. I am definitely the most mature out of everyone in my imaginary circle of friends.
  6. DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
  7. The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
  8. It’s not you. It’s me. And my inability to tolerate you any longer.
  9. If sitting on a couch with no pants on, eating pizza and watching TV is a crime, I will get out of this Best Buy right now.
  10. The World Cup is a great way of reminding me of all the Countries I didn’t know existed.
  11. Debt collectors calling you? They dont call ME anymore after I answer the phone “Homicide, Detective Smith speaking, please give me your full name and direct affiliation with the victim who’s phone you’ve just called.” Problem solved!
  12. Never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
  13. Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
  14. Door bells should be made illegal in commercials. Pet owners know what I’m talking about.
  15. When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
  16. Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?
  17. I bet people who like their own statuses wink at themselves in the mirror too.
  18. I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
  19. Apparently, “I had an interview with a better company” is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.
  20. Video Game Logic: Everyone worse than me is my bitch and everyone better than me has no life.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Kitty Prefers the Cup Holder…

OK, now that’s just adorable!

Mouse Gets Down:

Who knew Chuck-e could get down like that?!?

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Please check back on Monday for more funny status updates!