Make your weekend last, share one of these…
20 Best Facebook Status Updates This Week:
- I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.
- For job interviews, your best bet is to dress as a pizza delivery person, march in and say “Who ordered DILIGENCE and ATTENTION TO DETAIL!?”
- Let me be clear, I don’t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment.
- Answering the phone with a blast from an air horn sure has decreased the number of unwanted incoming calls considerably.
- I am definitely the most mature out of everyone in my imaginary circle of friends.
- DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
- The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
- It’s not you. It’s me. And my inability to tolerate you any longer.
- If sitting on a couch with no pants on, eating pizza and watching TV is a crime, I will get out of this Best Buy right now.
- The World Cup is a great way of reminding me of all the Countries I didn’t know existed.
- Debt collectors calling you? They dont call ME anymore after I answer the phone “Homicide, Detective Smith speaking, please give me your full name and direct affiliation with the victim who’s phone you’ve just called.” Problem solved!
- Never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
- Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
- Door bells should be made illegal in commercials. Pet owners know what I’m talking about.
- When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
- Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?
- I bet people who like their own statuses wink at themselves in the mirror too.
- I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
- Apparently, “I had an interview with a better company” is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.
- Video Game Logic: Everyone worse than me is my bitch and everyone better than me has no life.
Kitty Prefers the Cup Holder…
OK, now that’s just adorable!
Mouse Gets Down:
Who knew Chuck-e could get down like that?!?