Make Monday better, share one of these..
20 Clever Facebook Status Updates:
- I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
- Never give up on your dreams: keep sleeping.
- I’m so stressed to the point where I don’t even feel stressed anymore I’m just waiting for everything to collapse in on itself.
- You know those guy friends that you’re “like, actually friends with”? Yeah, they all still want to sleep with you.
- Life is like a box of chocolates; an emotional chick can destroy one in under 5 minutes.
- When I’m quiet:
2) don’t have anything to talk about
5) falling apart
6) all of the above
- Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
- What if I told you I could literally cut your phone bill in HALF with an exciting new product called scissors.
- Don’t put your implications, based on your misinterpretations, of my thoughts, changing what I said, and what I meant, to what you inferred.
- Be stronger than your excuses.
- Pour some gluten on me.
- If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout “player 3 has entered the game!”
- If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
- I may not be a perfect person but at least I have never yelled at an employee in a store.
- Nothing is ever on fire. fire is on things.
- If really good-looking people are “eye candy” I guess that puts me somewhere around the “eye broccoli” category.
- [At job interview]
Interviewer: Do you have a police record?
Me: No. But I do have a few of their albums on cassette
*hires me instantly
- When a child is told to say sorry like they mean it, we are essentially teaching them to fake sincerity.
- In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
- “Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
I swear it knows when you’re doing this.
Monkey & His New Puppies..
That was insanely adorable! Who doesn’t love puppies? Except for cats 😛 Like/share if you enjoyed.
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