MMA Fighter Flips, Expecting, & 20 Slick Facebook Statuses

Editorial Team

643

Score more likes, share one of these..

20 Slick Facebook Statuses:

Lazy is such an ugly word I prefer the term selective participation.
I’m like that dress. Some people can’t see that I look exactly like George Clooney.
My special talents include: jumping to the worst conclusion possible and worrying about that thing for hours.
I have no one to blame but everyone else.
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing happy birthday to you?
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.
Super passive aggressive that the iPhone doesn’t auto-capitalize ‘Google’
Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
Avoid office small talk by maintaining that facial expression between first sneeze and second sneeze.
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them so damn often.
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
Dear World, Stop saying “fleek.”
Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours.
I’d go to the gym but I’m still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure do have time for me.
Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late.
The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with “According to the prophecy.”