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20 Slick Facebook Statuses:
- Lazy is such an ugly word I prefer the term selective participation.
- I’m like that dress. Some people can’t see that I look exactly like George Clooney.
- My special talents include: jumping to the worst conclusion possible and worrying about that thing for hours.
- I have no one to blame but everyone else.
- I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
- Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing happy birthday to you?
- “Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
- I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.
- Super passive aggressive that the iPhone doesn’t auto-capitalize ‘Google’
- Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
- Avoid office small talk by maintaining that facial expression between first sneeze and second sneeze.
- Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them so damn often.
- Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
- Dear World, Stop saying “fleek.”
- Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours.
- I’d go to the gym but I’m still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
- I have no time for stupid people But they sure do have time for me.
- Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late.
- The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
- Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with “According to the prophecy.”
MMA Fighter Flips Out on Video Game Developer..
LOL, that was epic! Mayhem is a funny guy. Feel free to like/share if you enjoyed.
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