Minecraft Bear, Dog Misses Owner, and Weekend Status Posts

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Weekend Status Posts:

  1. You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
  2. A good ninja is hard to find.
  3. My dream job involves traveling to work on a zip-line.
  4. Plotting ways for Pinky and the Brain to take over the world tonight.
  5. Pretty cool to think every time the Verizon guy said “Can you hear me now?” the NSA was quietly answering “Yes we can.”
  6. Dear Nickelodeon, how did CatDog poop?
  7. I like to watch people watch other people.
  8. Being a responsible adult is seriously messing up my social life.
  9. These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I’m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
  10. I walk the streets with a smile on my face while looking up. Just in case the cameras of Google Maps are filming.
  11. Hey food marketers, “100% natural” means nothing. Cow dung is 100% natural but I’m not eating that. Not without sprinkles or something.
  12. Give that gal a plunger. Girls just love bringing up old shit!
  13. That awkward moment when you go for a handshake and they go for a hug.
  14. I don’t always correct someone’s spelling, but when I do, I google it first so I don’t make an ass out of myself.
  15. Yelling someone’s name in different voices until they hear you.
  16. Every time you sit through a commercial recorded by your DVR, you die a little inside.
  17. Relationships would be easier if people came with a “Clear History” button.
  18. I don’t care about your opinion enough to argue with you about anything.
  19. When we think with optimism, we experience happiness.
  20. You always want to look good enough to feel comfortable running into your ex.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Funny Status iOS

If Minecraft Was Real:

Minecraft Bear

ROFL! Want more Minecraft animals, immediately!

Dog Misses Owner (ADORABLE!):

That’s amazing it’s almost as if the dog is telling him all that things that happened while he was gone those 6 months. Animals have great memory and feelings – be good to them, people!

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