Meow Back, Racing Fan, and 20 Great Facebook Status Updates

Make someones Thursday, share one of these…

20 Great Facebook Status Updates:

  1. NEW COMMANDMENT: Thou shalt not start Christmas advertising when it is still October.
  2. Shit’s spiraling out of control and I’m all like “wheeeee.”
  3. Your hair turns white when you get old for evolutionary reasons. Predators leave you alone if they think you’re a wizard.
  4. The year is 2089. Toasters are made clear now and no one burns toast or bagels. Crime is at 0%
  5. I know I’ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
  6. You can stop trying to drive me crazy. I’m honestly close enough to walk to it from here.
  7. Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets.
  8. The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth, the IRS still wants to f*ck you.
  9. I’m trying to kick dairy and now I’ve got the milk shakes.
  10. I usually base my religious and political beliefs on flyers and pamphlets handed to me on the street.
  11. I don’t ONLY care about myself. I care about like 5 other people… and animals.
  12. No one wants to hear about your diet. Just eat your salad and be sad.
  13. Nothing like my bank account to kill any feelings of spontaneity.
  14. Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
  15. I wonder how all those really loud and obnoxious gifts I gave my nieces and nephews are working now?
  16. I find your lack of a Facebook account highly suspicious.
  17. My career path is now going to be committing enough crimes so that the FBI asks for my help in preventing other crimes.
  18. I love those moments where no words are said, but you just start laughing with someone.
  19. You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.
  20. If you say you can’t cook what your really saying is that you can’t read and follow directions.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Racing Fan has a Cool Trick…

That’s pretty awesome! Now I need a can to try this black magic.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.