Make Thursday fun, share one of these..
20 Slick Facebook Statuses:
- I’m amazing in bed. I have the ability to stay there all day.
- My favorite type of exercise is running… from responsibility.
- Why doesn’t my alarm clock deliver coffee?
- I really want someone to love me unconditionally, but I really can’t afford a puppy right now.
- Hairdresser: do you like it?
Me: yes thank you
*goes home and cries*
- I’m always impressed when I can stump auto-correct.
- Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
- Without sleep, I just become a very tall 2 year old.
- I’ve never pretended to be anything I’m not…except for sober. I’ve pretended to be sober a few times.
- My mind says diet, but my stomach is all SHUT UP BITCH.
- You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog…
- Awkward moment when someone sees you unsmiling.
- I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
- US Border Agents are searching Canadian travelers to prevent them from smuggling Winter into the country.
- Future archaeologists are going to be so confused when they dig up all these selfie sticks.
- Can’t spell “nudes” without “u send”
- If you ever feel the urge to start a sentence with the word “Actually,” don’t, because no one wants to hear it.
- Smiling in every picture is like having sex in every picture. It’s a visual representation of something we do less than 1% of our lives.
- YOU KNEW HOW I CHEWED WHEN YOU MARRIED ME.
- I’m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
This Sea Otter is Killing It..
Not going to lie, he dances better than I do. Share/Like if you agree!
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