Men Vs. Women, Sea Otter Dancing, & Slick Facebook Statuses

Make Thursday fun, share one of these..

20 Slick Facebook Statuses:

  1. I’m amazing in bed. I have the ability to stay there all day.
  2. My favorite type of exercise is running… from responsibility.
  3. Why doesn’t my alarm clock deliver coffee?
  4. I really want someone to love me unconditionally, but I really can’t afford a puppy right now.
  5. Hairdresser: do you like it?
    Me: yes thank you
    *goes home and cries*
  6. I’m always impressed when I can stump auto-correct.
  7. Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
  8. Without sleep, I just become a very tall 2 year old.
  9. I’ve never pretended to be anything I’m not…except for sober. I’ve pretended to be sober a few times.
  10. My mind says diet, but my stomach is all SHUT UP BITCH.
  11. You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog…
  12. Awkward moment when someone sees you unsmiling.
  13. I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
  14. US Border Agents are searching Canadian travelers to prevent them from smuggling Winter into the country.
  15. Future archaeologists are going to be so confused when they dig up all these selfie sticks.
  16. Can’t spell “nudes” without “u send”
  17. If you ever feel the urge to start a sentence with the word “Actually,” don’t, because no one wants to hear it.
  18. Smiling in every picture is like having sex in every picture. It’s a visual representation of something we do less than 1% of our lives.
  19. YOU KNEW HOW I CHEWED WHEN YOU MARRIED ME.
  20. I’m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

This Sea Otter is Killing It..

Not going to lie, he dances better than I do. Share/Like if you agree!

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