Happy Monday, Share these…
Witty Facebook Status Updates:
- Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
- Roses are red…
Violets are red..
Tulips are red…
Bushes are red…
Trees are red…
Oh god my gardens on fire!
- PHYSICS: It’s the science where you use extremely long and complicated formulas to explain why a ball rolls
- “ok” and “okay” sound different in my head.
- Imagine an entire room and it’s all bed.
No floor, just bed.
You roll too far to one side?
Don’t worry, bed’s still there.
All is bed.
- Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
- I don’t always stretch, but when I do, I make the baby dinosaur voice.
- Sometimes restraining my sarcasm is exhausting.
- Of course I don’t hold grudges! I’m a woman, I carry them around in my designer purse everywhere I go.
- In order to start my deer breeding business I’m going to need at least 5,000 bucks.
- My lemonade contains artificial flavoring. My laundry detergent contains real lemons. Screw everything.
- I’m not saying I have a hangover, but I can hear light right now.
- Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign of depression.
- So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
- First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.
- When I start to trip and fall, I just turn it into a dance. “Sorry, can’t control the funk.”
- I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.
- Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
- If you’re starting a sentence with “not to sound like a bitch,” guess what you’re going to sound like.
- YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is not a good thing to say to your boss.
Every News Report, EVER…
That pretty well sums it up. Not sure if I can ever watch the news again thanks to that.