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20 Awesome Status Posts:
- So far I’ve spent most of 2014 flipping off the weather channel.
- An even FANCIER limo? That’s a stretch.
- The bears had it right choosing to hibernate all winter.
- Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.
- When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
- This guy tailgating me is going to be really surprised when he finds out I have this condition where I just randomly slam on my brakes.
- I call my condoms Peyton Manning. Cause they usually just stay in the pocket.
- True friends greet each other with an insult.
- My best friends are more than just friends. They’re like family…they’re Framily.
- If a person isn’t a dog person, they’re a person I don’t want in my life.
- I’d watch NASCAR if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
- That awkward moment when you realize that “deleting History” is more important than “creating History” nowadays.
- “Mom, I’m hungry.”
“Hi, Hungry. I’m Mom.”
“Mom, I’m serious.”
“I thought you were Hungry?”
“Are you kidding me?”
“Nope, I’m Mom.”
- Dear phone, I drop you. I say I hate you. I throw you. I lose you. I forget about you, but I can’t live without you. Sincerely, Me
- Please don’t flirt with people I secretly like it’s rude and disrespectful.
- 100 calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off.
- It’s been a business doing pleasure with you.
- I wish there was a “I liked your Facebook status until every one of your moron friends had to comment on it
- Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
- I only buy cereal that’s been endorsed by cartoon characters I could take in a fight.
Just Dance 2 (Rasputin) , Nailed IT!
Bet you didn’t expect you’d watch the whole thing, did ya?