Men Vs. Women, Epic Just Dance Run, & Awesome Status Posts

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20 Awesome Status Posts:

  1. So far I’ve spent most of 2014 flipping off the weather channel.
  2. An even FANCIER limo? That’s a stretch.
  3. The bears had it right choosing to hibernate all winter.
  4. Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.
  5. When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
  6. This guy tailgating me is going to be really surprised when he finds out I have this condition where I just randomly slam on my brakes.
  7. I call my condoms Peyton Manning. Cause they usually just stay in the pocket.
  8. True friends greet each other with an insult.
  9. My best friends are more than just friends. They’re like family…they’re Framily.
  10. If a person isn’t a dog person, they’re a person I don’t want in my life.
  11. I’d watch NASCAR if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
  12. That awkward moment when you realize that “deleting History” is more important than “creating History” nowadays.
  13. “Mom, I’m hungry.”
    “Hi, Hungry. I’m Mom.”
    “Mom, I’m serious.”
    “I thought you were Hungry?”
    “Are you kidding me?”
    “Nope, I’m Mom.”
  14. Dear phone, I drop you. I say I hate you. I throw you. I lose you. I forget about you, but I can’t live without you. Sincerely, Me
  15. Please don’t flirt with people I secretly like it’s rude and disrespectful.
  16. 100 calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off.
  17. It’s been a business doing pleasure with you.
  18. I wish there was a “I liked your Facebook status until every one of your moron friends had to comment on it
  19. Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
  20. I only buy cereal that’s been endorsed by cartoon characters I could take in a fight.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Just Dance 2 (Rasputin) , Nailed IT!


Bet you didn’t expect you’d watch the whole thing, did ya?

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