Meerkat Sneak, Walrus Shout, & Hilarious Status Updates

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Hilarious Facebook Status Updates:

  1. When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
  2. I have only 2 feelings left for you. Missing you, and hating you. I still haven’t decided which one is stronger, and which will prevail.
  3. I’m gonna quit this job. Just as soon as I lose my addiction to food and shelter.
  4. My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
  5. That awkward moment when you realize you’ve been singing the words wrong to a song your whole life.
  6. Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
  7. It’s funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
  8. Stealing other people’s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
  9. I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food’s food!
  10. Some people put their foot in their mouth so much, Dr. Scholl’s should make mouthwash.
  11. Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
  12. My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
  13. Sometimes the best way to get some ones attention is to stop giving them yours.
  14. Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery!
  15. How do you find a blind man on a nude beach? its not hard.
  16. Guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing nothing but saran wrap. Psychiatrist says,” Sir, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”
  17. There are three types of people in the world, those who can count, and those who can’t.
  18. Work; something you give up your time for, that doesn’t pay you enough.
  19. I couldn’t stand to see you hurt. I would have to sit down, then I could really enjoy the show.
  20. Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Free Timeline Covers

Meerkat Sneak:

MeerKat Sneaky Kitty

LOL! Loves it 🙂 Make sure to share this one for extra LIKEs.

Walrus demonstrates his vocal range:


That was unexpectedly awesome… Who knew that Walruses had such an amazing vocal range. Pass this along in your news feed for some awesome comments from your friends.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.