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Hilarious Facebook Status Updates:
- When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
- I have only 2 feelings left for you. Missing you, and hating you. I still haven’t decided which one is stronger, and which will prevail.
- I’m gonna quit this job. Just as soon as I lose my addiction to food and shelter.
- My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
- That awkward moment when you realize you’ve been singing the words wrong to a song your whole life.
- Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
- It’s funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
- Stealing other people’s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
- I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food’s food!
- Some people put their foot in their mouth so much, Dr. Scholl’s should make mouthwash.
- Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
- My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
- Sometimes the best way to get some ones attention is to stop giving them yours.
- Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery!
- How do you find a blind man on a nude beach? its not hard.
- Guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing nothing but saran wrap. Psychiatrist says,” Sir, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”
- There are three types of people in the world, those who can count, and those who can’t.
- Work; something you give up your time for, that doesn’t pay you enough.
- I couldn’t stand to see you hurt. I would have to sit down, then I could really enjoy the show.
- Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
LOL! Loves it 🙂 Make sure to share this one for extra LIKEs.
Walrus demonstrates his vocal range:
That was unexpectedly awesome… Who knew that Walruses had such an amazing vocal range. Pass this along in your news feed for some awesome comments from your friends.