Welcome to October 2014, share one of these…
The 20 Best Facebook Status Updates from September:
- On a scale of one to crazy how many cats are you?
- If two people are arguing and one person says, “You know what…” that argument is about to get awesome.
- I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
- Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
- My reaction to stepping in dog shit is identical to me logging onto Facebook
- The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.
- Today Joseph cleaned the house, made dinner, and was really cool about some crazy news I had. Best. Husband. Ever.” -If Mary had Facebook
- My favorite part in Pretty Woman is her joy when he agrees to pay $3,000 for 6 days, effectively lowering her rate from $100/hr to $21/hr
- I have a condition that keeps me from going on a diet. It’s called being hungry.
- I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be effin’ amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
- First World problems: My book ran out of batteries.
- It’s so frustrating when you’re like the only person who can see how evil and sneaky someone is and everyone else is like blind to it.
- a sentence will always
enter a lot
- Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow still end up dating one.
- That moment when you realize the “&” symbol looks like a man dragging his butt across the floor…
- Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
- I’m single because I don’t negotiate with terrorists.
- We’ve solved so many world problems, and yet chocolate still has calories.
- There’s nothing to fear but fear itself….and mornings.
- No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
Jeff Goldblum Sells You a New Lightbulb…
Solid marketing gold! Doesn’t it make you want them? I mean I have a house full of lightbulbs but, now I feel compelled to buy more.