Little Kid Goal, Fighting Lessons, and HILARIOUS Facebook Statuses

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Hilarious Facebook Statuses:

  1. People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
  2. I’m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
  3. Dr: Do you drink or smoke? Me: Sure, whatcha’ got?
  4. Stop talking. You don’t have to validate how dumb you are.
  5. I wanna be the reason you slightly tilt your phone away from others when you read it.
  6. People my age are so much older than me.
  7. I found your nose. It’s in my business again.
  8. Him: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Him: And you’re smart too, I like that.
  9. Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
  10. Love is like a Japanese game show. It makes no sense.
  11. Sometimes I worry if an asteroid does threaten to destroy earth Bruce Willis won’t be able to stop it.
  12. Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
  13. Show me a woman that let’s you prove her wrong and I’ll show you that she’s a man.
  14. Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow still end up dating one.
  15. I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
  16. Hey couples on Facebook that share an account, so which one of you got caught having an cheating?
  17. Whenever I drive past the psychic’s empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
  18. When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
  19. To understand paranoid people better, follow them around.
  20. Be wary of someone who calls all their exes crazy. They’re probably the reason.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Mother Giving ‘Fighting Lessons’ to her Kitty:

Ninja style.

Little Kid Scores His First Goal (Adorable):

Wow! That kid is going to grow up to be a superstar soccer player!

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