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Hilarious Facebook Statuses:
- People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
- I’m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
- Dr: Do you drink or smoke? Me: Sure, whatcha’ got?
- Stop talking. You don’t have to validate how dumb you are.
- I wanna be the reason you slightly tilt your phone away from others when you read it.
- People my age are so much older than me.
- I found your nose. It’s in my business again.
- Him: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Him: And you’re smart too, I like that.
- Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
- Love is like a Japanese game show. It makes no sense.
- Sometimes I worry if an asteroid does threaten to destroy earth Bruce Willis won’t be able to stop it.
- Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
- Show me a woman that let’s you prove her wrong and I’ll show you that she’s a man.
- Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow still end up dating one.
- I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
- Hey couples on Facebook that share an account, so which one of you got caught having an cheating?
- Whenever I drive past the psychic’s empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
- When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
- To understand paranoid people better, follow them around.
- Be wary of someone who calls all their exes crazy. They’re probably the reason.
Mother Giving ‘Fighting Lessons’ to her Kitty:
Little Kid Scores His First Goal (Adorable):
Wow! That kid is going to grow up to be a superstar soccer player!