Happy New Year, Make Someone Smile in 2015…
20 Absurd Facebook Statuses:
- After socializing and being nice to people all day it’s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an asshole on the Internet.
- If I notice an unfinished jigsaw puzzle at someone’s house, I eat a few pieces.
- Hookah is just a Hooker from Boston.
- My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive and hoping they have more confidence than I do.
- *wears pajamas all day*
*showers at 10:00 pm*
*changes into new pajamas*
- Me: You’re so beautiful when you’re angry. Her: Am I not beautiful all the time? Me: That’s what I said.
- I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
- Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
- It’s not that I don’t want to live in the moment. I just want to live in a different moment.
- That awkward moment when you have to get over someone you never even dated.
- Am I the only one who feels like christmas didn’t even happen?
- I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
- The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I’ve decided to start growling.
- Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
- When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry.
- Most problems can be solved with nudity.
- Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
- I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be f*cking amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
- First World problems: My book ran out of batteries.
- If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn’t be called nachos.
50 Year Old Lifts Refrigerator:
This guy is a beast! Like or share if you enjoyed 🙂
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