Lazy People, Party Car, & Hilarious Facebook Status Updates

Friday is finally here, celebrate with these…

Hilarious Facebook Status Updates:

  1. Breaking News: The makers of Hello Kitty have announced that Hello Kitty is not in fact a cat, but a human girl MY WHOLE LIFE IS ONE BIG LIE
  2. Me: Should I make a sarcastic comment or not…
  3. Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
  4. Coffee is not just a beverage…it’s a cup of liquid sanity.
  5. Don’t trust people that dislike Tacos. They’re probably not human.
  6. People with multiple personalities should donate one of them to people who don’t have one.
  7. I hate it when you’re eating cereal and the last 4 pieces are like “Catch me if you can bitch”.
  8. I like to think I treat my body like a temple. A Temple of Doom, but a temple nonetheless.
  9. I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
  10. If you want to feel like an asshole, try explaining a fish tank to a visitor from Somalia. “This is food and water we just look at.”
  11. That awkward eye contact moment when you’re just looking around and someone is already looking at you.
  12. Friends are forever, until they get in a relationship.
  13. Cleavage is like the sun. You can look, but don’t stare.. Unless you’re wearing sunglasses.
  14. I haven’t used algebra in 3x-q years
  15. The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
  16. Spiderman: Just another guy who ends up with sticky hands after using the web.
  17. Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
  18. Admit it. You get a small rush of happiness when your crush likes your Facebook picture or status.
  19. If it doesn’t make you stupid, it’s not love.
  20. The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Party Car…

That makes me happier than it should. Share if you enjoyed 😉

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