Lamb Begs for Pets, Sneezing be like, and Top Facebook Status Posts

Editorial Team

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This Thursday, make someones day – share one of these…

Top 20 Facebook Status Posts:

The sh*tty thing about Thursday is it’s not Friday.
Our friendship is bad for my liver.
If video games have taught me anything, it’s that if you encounter enemies then you’re going the right way.
I need something that’s more than coffee but less than cocaine.
Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant.
Chocolate is salad.
person: “why do you only have like 5 friends?”
me: “quality not quantity”
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
Really disappointed that most ice cream isn’t Dip ‘n’ Dots. Is it not the future yet?
I’d love to talk but I’m trying to get home so I can be alone.
Is it time for hibernation yet? I need to get on that.
Can you throw your back out by sucking your belly in? Asking for a friend.
No, they don’t pay me enough.
Don’t ask me how work is going. It’s going how it’s always going. Hellish.
If I text you “k” feel free to assume that everything is not “k”.
If you open your fridge and find nothing to eat, lower your standards.
That awkward moment when you fail at being mad at someone because they make you laugh.
Don’t complain about your life when you are the one who is handling it.
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
The condoms need to be located in the f*cking baby aisle Next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans.