Katy Perry, Manicures, and Very Clever Status Updates

Celebrate the week being half-over, share these…

20 Very Clever Status Updates:

  1. Does anyone else ever hear their alarm go off in the morning and immediately start rationalizing quitting your job or dropping out of school in order to stay in bed?
  2. People who try to stop you on the street to sell stuff are the real world equivalent of online pop-ups.
  3. I didn’t give you the finger…you earned it.
  4. Is it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message is like looking directly into the sun?
  5. You know a woman is in denial when she starts blaming Zodiac signs for the reason why she’s single. “Well, he’s a Leo and I’m a Sagittarius. It wasn’t going to work.”
  6. Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.
  7. I just dismissed a 10% battery-left warning. Don’t tell me how thug you are.
  8. Does anyone else immediately change back into their PJs as soon as they get home, regardless of what time it is?
  9. Bras are actual booby traps.
  10. I need to start drinking green shit and jogging.
  11. Remember when the “M” in “MTV” stood for music and not morons?
  12. No one ever said life was easy, but several people said you were.
  13. I hate lying to kids but my daughter asked me what twerking was and I told her it was when identical twins go to each others’ jobs
  14. I love when somebody posts a selfie and nobody likes it.
  15. I saw that you “liked” my status. You want me, don’t you?
  16. On a scale of Kirsten Stewart to Nicki Minaj, how many facial expressions do you have?
  17. I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
  18. I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.
  19. Whatever you’ve achieved in life, even the most humble giraffe will look down on you.
  20. Let me see how this turns out: It occurs to me that for each and every one of you on my friends list, I catch myself looking at your pictures, sharing jokes and news, as well as support during good and bad times. I am also happy to have you among my friends. We will see who will take the time to read this message until the end. If… you appreciate your friends and family… from all over the world. I’m going to be watching to see who takes care of the friendship, just like me. Thank you all for being a part of my life. DON’T SHARE!! Once you respond, I will inbox you this post for you to copy then paste on your wall so I can leave a word for you. So, if you read this, leave ONE WORD AS TO HOW WE MET. Only ONE word or should I say, ONE word only.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Kid Loses It When Katy Perry Comes On…

Dat face doe! So cute 🙂

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