Make someones day, share one of these…
20 Joking Facebook Status Updates:
- Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
- Slugs are just snails that have been through a divorce.
- If I wear a wizard hat and robe to my cousin’s wedding this weekend, I bet no one asks me if I’m next.
- Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
- If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
- Tell me more about this victim role you play due to the circumstances that you’ve created for yourself.
- Happiest are the people who give most happiness to others.
- You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
- I love that part of relationships when people don’t know they hate each other yet.
- I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
- Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
- If pigs could fly imagine how good their wings would taste.
- It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
- Without a doubt, the cashew is my favorite nut that sounds like a sneeze.
- Trying to convince a kid, no matter the age, that they’re tired, is like trying to tell a drunk they’re drunk. Denial & anger will follow.
- Don’t think you’re immune. We’re all just a whim away from singing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.” Yes, a whim away…a whim away…a whim away.
- I listen to the first 30-45 seconds of a butt dial like I’m an FBI agent in a surveillance van.
- If a girl can kick your ass at video games, she’s a keeper.
- School prepares you for employment as much as fornication prepares you for parenthood.
- Face tattoos are like regular tattoos except face ones let everyone know you’d rather not have a job where you pay taxes.
When you have too much time on your hands…
Was the spinning plate really necessary? No, but it was awesome.
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