Karma, Super Randomness, and Joking Statuses

Make someones day, share one of these…

20 Joking Facebook Status Updates:

  1. Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
  2. Slugs are just snails that have been through a divorce.
  3. If I wear a wizard hat and robe to my cousin’s wedding this weekend, I bet no one asks me if I’m next.
  4. Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
  5. If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
  6. Tell me more about this victim role you play due to the circumstances that you’ve created for yourself.
  7. Happiest are the people who give most happiness to others.
  8. You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
  9. I love that part of relationships when people don’t know they hate each other yet.
  10. I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
  11. Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
  12. If pigs could fly imagine how good their wings would taste.
  13. It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
  14. Without a doubt, the cashew is my favorite nut that sounds like a sneeze.
  15. Trying to convince a kid, no matter the age, that they’re tired, is like trying to tell a drunk they’re drunk. Denial & anger will follow.
  16. Don’t think you’re immune. We’re all just a whim away from singing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.” Yes, a whim away…a whim away…a whim away.
  17. I listen to the first 30-45 seconds of a butt dial like I’m an FBI agent in a surveillance van.
  18. If a girl can kick your ass at video games, she’s a keeper.
  19. School prepares you for employment as much as fornication prepares you for parenthood.
  20. Face tattoos are like regular tattoos except face ones let everyone know you’d rather not have a job where you pay taxes.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

When you have too much time on your hands…

Was the spinning plate really necessary? No, but it was awesome.

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