Welcome back! You know the place to get the goods. But, shhhhhh it’s a secret club. Don’t go blabbin’ to your friends about us, that means you! We can’t have everyone having witty statuses. Now post these…
Funny Statuses for Facebook:
A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App)
- I can confidently say I’m 150 pounds of solid sexy. Plus 40-50 of squishy stuff.
- The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.
- ME: “Whoa. Put a combo on that meat locker.” HIM: “Huh?” ME: “Your fly is down, idiot.”
- A double entendre is when I don’t know what the hell you’re saying. Twice.
- You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
- They should make a medal for anyone who uses a whole tube of chapstick before losing it. ツ ( VIA our Funny Status Update Fan Page)
- While my husband is gone I was cleaning…the Nutella jar. He will be impressed at how I gained 10lbs in 4hrs.
- Whenever I’m leaving the work bathroom and I see the cleaning lady waiting, we exchange the knowing look that I just crapped in her office.
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
- In this day and age it’s really a shame that laundry is still segregated.
- I’m not a stalker I’m just bad with goodbyes. (VIA our Twitter Account: @FreeFunnyStuff)
NEW iPad announced today! Have an old crappy one? Download our Funny Status Updates for Facebook HD app for iPad , over 3,000 Funny Statuses to choose from! It’ll make your old hunk of junk iPad seem not so crummy.
Funny Picture to Post:
Have you checked out our new Search Facebook feature? It’s really neat, you can search status updates without signing in. Really great for anonymous FB creeping, some quality laughs, and research in general.
Funny Video to Post:
What a ridiculous prank! You’ll get tons of comments on that video.
Not enough funny content for your Facebook profile? If you still need more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post: “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App and visit our new sister website WittyStatus.