No Internet, Little Girl Lets Cow Inside, and 20 Epic Facebook Status Posts

FunnyStatus Team

217

Get over hump day, share one of these…

20 Epic Facebook Status Posts:

Sorry for what I said before I had my coffee.
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button…
Life is too short for fake butter, fake cheese, or fake people.
I love people who make me forget that I’m shy.
Meeting someone with the same music taste is seriously one of the best things ever.
Instructions for twerking: Step 1 – Reconsider.
You telling me to do something makes me much less inclined to do it.
About that whole morning workout thing…
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
Give me coffee to change the things I can change and wine to accept the things I can’t.
Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty kids now that global warming is threatening his habitat.
Based on the amount of time I’ve spent in this aisle at Target, you’d think that selecting wrapping paper was a life or death decision.
It’s not the holiday season unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes.
I can’t tell if I’m hungry, but better eat just in case.
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
These statuses are a lot better if you imagine them being read by Morgan Freeman.
I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you they’d post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.
Whenever I’m nervous on a business call, I just envision the person on the other end of the phone as a muppet.
There’s a thin line between “I should post that to Facebook” and “I should talk to a therapist about that.”