Checking Voicemail, Instant Karma, & 20 Laughable Facebook Statuses

Make someones day, share one of these…

20 Laughable Facebook Statuses:

  1. My idea of flirting is being as sarcastic as humanly possible and seeing if you can handle it.
  2. Coffee before talkie.
  3. I couldn’t be fake about anything if I tried. My facial expressions would never allow it.
  4. I owed blockbuster late fees. My game plan of waiting them out worked.
  5. Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you want to drink about it?
  6. My only goal in life right now is to be happy. Genuinely, intensely and consistently happy, regardless of what that looks like to others.
  7. It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
  8. Elementary kids have iPhones. When I was in elementary school, I glued my hands together so I could peel them apart when they dried.
  9. When getting all depressed about my sad, shitty life I realized that my dog will be lucky to live another 4 years and he doesn’t act like a little bitch about it.
  10. I’ll rise, but I won’t shine.
  11. When is secondbreakfast?
  12. I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.
  13. F.Y.I. don’t chest bump the eldery.
  14. I could really go for a beer and a million dollars.
  15. Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
  16. I love you more than free wifi.
  17. In the US, taxes are mandatory but voting isn’t. People who pay taxes but don’t vote are basically saying, “Here, take my money. Whoever is in charge can do whatever they want with it.”
  18. A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
  19. Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon.
  20. Most school janitors either took the phrase “stay in school” too seriously or not seriously enough.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Cat Dishes Instant Karma on Owner..

Some might say, ‘he deserved it’ hence the karma being dealt so hard. Loved it! Pls feel free to like/share if you’d like.

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