Facebook Status Updates

Icelandic Hymn, Cat Earthquakes, and LOL Status Updates

Editorial Team

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Make Monday Awesome, share these…

20 Laugh out Loud Facebook Statuses:

Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
The first rule of breakfast club is don’t you forget about me.
So your baby doesn’t know any tricks at all?
My keyboard needs a removable crumb tray like the toaster.
I’m mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
When your girlfriend or wife says “lol have fun”, do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.
I win every argument… in my head… later that day… in the shower.
I am hungry 25 hours a day.
That awkward moment when you miss one step on the stairs and you think you are about to die!
The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.
I don’t have bumper stickers because I don’t believe in anything strongly enough to potentially get my car keyed.
Honking your horn is fun but rolling down your window and screaming “honk” at people is just way more satisfying.
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullshit I’ll put up with before I catch on.
The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you’re having a velociraptor.
We get it people on Facebook. You’re married, you have kids, you’re happy. Calm down.
Imagine being 100% naked and hearing a bunch of loud noises you don’t understand, that’s what it’s like to be an animal.
If you ever want to hate yourself, click the 2008 button on your Facebook timeline and read what you posted.
I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
I don’t care who you are, if a kid wants to show you something they’re proud of you better act impressed.
Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.