Facebook Status Updates

Human Beatbox, Nap Time, and Silly Statuses.

Editorial Team

487

Make your weekend last longer, share these…

Silly Facebook Statuses:

You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I’m telling you why…we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
There is almost a full year until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up…. Unbelievable.
Everybody has that one friend that has the worst taste in music.
Lying through your teeth doesn’t count as flossing.
I believe in second chances. I just don’t think everybody deserves them.
I’m not fat. My stomach is 3D.
S.C.H.O.O.L. = Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Life.
C.L.A.S.S. = Come Late And Start Sleeping
F.I.N.A.L.S. = F**k I Never Actually Learned Sh*t
That little dance your thumbs do when you don’t know how to answer to a text.
Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
There are two types of people in the world:
1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm.
2. Morons.
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
Just because you’re offended, doesn’t mean you’re right.
I got robbed today at Shell. I called the cops, and they asked if I knew who did it. I said “yeah, pump 6.”
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn’t finish my sandwich.
Why is it that I can’t get a mobile reception in my house in town, yet a terrorist can upload his vids from a cave in Afghanistan?
If your mind is so closed, why is your mouth so open?
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
UPS, FedEx, and DHL trucks should play a jingle like ice cream trucks so we know when our packages are coming.
Next time a customer service rep asks “Is there anything else I can do for you?” whisper “Smile for the camera, I’m watching you” & hang up