Make your friends day, share one of these…
20 Clever Facebook Status Updates:
- Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
- 2014 taught me that you outgrow people and it’s okay.
- “Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
- That awkward moment when you’re smiling at your phone and your parents ask who you’re talking to.
- My town is so boring that when I googled things to do a car rental company came up first.
- Can’t remember the last time I said Happy Birthday using my actual voice.
- If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.
- Me: “My elbow hurts.” WebMD: “Elbow cancer.”
- I see subway employees are still having their “how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich” contest.
- The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.
- Does anyone know of any rappers who are proud of their hometowns?
- I’ve got writer’s bl I’ve got writer’ssssss somethinnnn somethin Writer’s blah blah blah blah I’m going to get coffee.
- Instagram makes me feel like the world’s only employed person.
- I wish my car could put its hands in its pockets and whistle when I drive by a cop.
- The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
- I want rich people problems. Like where to land my private jet.
- The amount of big words I use incorrectly to try and sound smart is stammering.
- It’s amazing how the lowly potato gives us potato chips, french fries, and vodka. Get your shit together, every other vegetable.
- If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.
- Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
Horse House Party:
It’s all fun and games until the horse poops 🙂