Horse House Party, Dating Habits, and 20 Clever Facebook Status Updates

Editorial Team

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Make your friends day, share one of these…

20 Clever Facebook Status Updates:

Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
2014 taught me that you outgrow people and it’s okay.
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
That awkward moment when you’re smiling at your phone and your parents ask who you’re talking to.
My town is so boring that when I googled things to do a car rental company came up first.
Can’t remember the last time I said Happy Birthday using my actual voice.
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.
Me: “My elbow hurts.” WebMD: “Elbow cancer.”
I see subway employees are still having their “how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich” contest.
The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.
Does anyone know of any rappers who are proud of their hometowns?
I’ve got writer’s bl I’ve got writer’ssssss somethinnnn somethin Writer’s blah blah blah blah I’m going to get coffee.
Instagram makes me feel like the world’s only employed person.
I wish my car could put its hands in its pockets and whistle when I drive by a cop.
The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
I want rich people problems. Like where to land my private jet.
The amount of big words I use incorrectly to try and sound smart is stammering.
It’s amazing how the lowly potato gives us potato chips, french fries, and vodka. Get your shit together, every other vegetable.
If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.