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Awesome Facebook Statuses:
- That awkward moment when you don’t understand a joke but laugh anyway, and then someone asks you to explain the joke.
- 70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots
- Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk ass.
- Your mom’s so easy her nickname is ‘Staples’.
- This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
- If you say A for effort I’m going to correct you and say E for effort.
- Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single..”
- “Beauty sleep” is such bologna I sleep 12 hours a day and I still look like a trashcan.
- McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
- Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
- I need new swear words.
- I like my women how I like my coffee, with little or no pubic hair.
- Just sprayed a fly with Axe body spray. He’ll live, but he won’t get laid.
- Me: We could see snakes on a plane if you want.
Friend: oh cool whats it about? Me: Elephants…..elephants on a boat. - I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
- Don’t worry, Prince Harry. We only have one bathroom, so I too know what it’s like to be 3rd in line for the throne.
- It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
- If Candy Crush had a face, I’d punch it.
- Said Hi to my crush on chat. She didn’t reply. Awesome! I left her speechless.
- Don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty ass elsewhere.
Dog Plays Harmonica with Toddler…
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOHkOr_c-iM[/youtube]
Doesn’t get much cuter than that, folks! You may share if you liked it 🙂
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