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Awesome Facebook Statuses:
- That awkward moment when you don’t understand a joke but laugh anyway, and then someone asks you to explain the joke.
- 70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots
- Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk ass.
- Your mom’s so easy her nickname is ‘Staples’.
- This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
- If you say A for effort I’m going to correct you and say E for effort.
- Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single..”
- “Beauty sleep” is such bologna I sleep 12 hours a day and I still look like a trashcan.
- McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
- Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
- I need new swear words.
- I like my women how I like my coffee, with little or no pubic hair.
- Just sprayed a fly with Axe body spray. He’ll live, but he won’t get laid.
- Me: We could see snakes on a plane if you want.
Friend: oh cool whats it about? Me: Elephants…..elephants on a boat.
- I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
- Don’t worry, Prince Harry. We only have one bathroom, so I too know what it’s like to be 3rd in line for the throne.
- It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
- If Candy Crush had a face, I’d punch it.
- Said Hi to my crush on chat. She didn’t reply. Awesome! I left her speechless.
- Don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty ass elsewhere.
Dog Plays Harmonica with Toddler…
Doesn’t get much cuter than that, folks! You may share if you liked it 🙂
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