Happy KittEhhh, Jumpy the Dog, and Status Quo

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Facebook Status Quo:

  1. Netflix is like meth for people who hate doing things.
  2. At the gym doing shoulder shrugs and diddly squats.
  3. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty ass elsewhere.
  4. Kill them with success and bury them with a smile.
  5. This lady in front of me has more coupons than groceries!
  6. Tip: When you’re not famous, people don’t let you pay for things with an autographed napkin.
  7. Why is a woman’s fantasy a man who can read their minds? If we could, how would you manage to trick us into thinking you’re aren’t crazy?
  8. Body scans and genital fondlings would save more lives if our Government was paying to have them done in hospitals rather than airports.
  9. Work like you owe money to the Mob, love like you’ve never looked in the mirror, and dance like the only drunk 70 year old man in a popular nightclub.
  10. I’m just one step away from taking another step.
  11. Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
  12. Officer, I’m not Fred Flintstone, I didn’t “run” a red light, I drove through it. Now let me go.
  13. I prefer texting over phone calls because it gives me more time to think about what to say.
  14. I love that movie theater prices always include guilt-free trashing of the area around my seat.
  15. If you tickle me, I will punch you in the face.
  16. In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.
  17. I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
  18. If you won’t sing in the car with me when we drive, we can’t be friends.
  19. It’s almost August and I’ve accomplished nothing.
  20. Life isn’t about finding yourself…it’s about creating yourself.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Funny Status iOS

Happy KittEhhh is Happy!!!

adorable happy kitty

Rawr! How adorable is that little cutie?

Jumpy the Dog:

Holy MOLY is that a sweet dog! I wish my dog could do half of that… Can your dog do any of those amazing tricks? Share if you enjoyed.

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