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Funny Status Updates:
- I wish all my electronics came with as much memory as a girlfriend or wife. (Courtesy of our Funny Status Updates iPhone App ★★★★★)
8 year olds today have Facebooks, twitter, phones, ipods. When i was there age, I had a coloring book, crayons, chalk, and imagination.
The guy who predicted the end of the world moved the date to Oct/Nov. That’s not the end of the world, it’s just another Twilight film.
- That awkward moment when you’re late for class, and when you walk in, everyone stares at you like you killed someone.
I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought, what good would that do?
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, ‘No hablo ingles.’
Never trust a dog to watch your food. ツ (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page)
Health plans are like hospital gowns…You only think you’re covered.
- When I have kids I’m gonna tell them drugs are good for them. It’s the only way I can be sure they won’t try them.
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.
- About 50% of the time “good luck” means “effff you.”
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? (VIA:@FreeFunnyStuff )
If you ain’t makin’ waves, you ain’t kickin’ hard enough!
One Happy Hamster…
Now that’s what I call, livin’ it up!
Sloth fly’s across the road…
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