Pig Doesn’t Want to Cuddle, Fight Club, & 20 Great Facebook Statuses

Making people laugh is literally the best feeling ever. Share one of these..

20 Great Facebook Statuses:

  1. Society has become so civilized that we have to simulate manual labor at the gym in order to reap the health benefits that civilizations of past centuries had to do naturally for a living.
  2. Are you a campfire? Because you’re hot and I want s’more!
  3. Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I’m the proud owner of aisle 7.
  4. Why would anyone want to be a vampire when they live forever unable to eat garlic bread? That’s some intense eternal torment.
  5. Am I the only one who’s never seen a pizza delivery girl?
  6. The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
  7. I wonder if Auto Correct and Spell Check get together behind our backs and talk about what idiots we are.
  8. That awkward moment when you come back from something and someone decided to steal your seat.
  9. There’s probably an employee named Jake who works at State Farm, who’s had it with people’s jokes.
  10. Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
  11. I wonder if anyone from the Medieval period knew how to beatbox.
  12. Nobody ever says, “You win some, you lose some” when something good happens.
  13. The anti-smoking campaign is “truth” and the drug awareness class is “DARE”
  14. People who tell you “don’t tell me what to do” are hypocrites.
  15. Sometimes after a nap, I like to take another nap.
  16. I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
  17. Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
  18. If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
  19. If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating.
  20. First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Pig Doesn’t Want To Cuddle:

When it’s hot outside, I feel the same way. Must have been summer 🙂 Share/like if you’d like.

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