Bro Mime, Breakups, & 20 Great Facebook Statuses

Make Monday fun for someone, share one of these…

20 Great Facebook Statuses:

  1. “You can’t sleep either?” Says a voice from under your bed.
  2. My house has really let itself go.
  3. That grass that you think is greener. They use bullshit for fertilizer. Think about that before you jump the fence.
  4. A 2.0 student can know more than a 4.0 student. Grades don’t determine intelligence, they test obedience.
  5. Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the shit out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.
  6. Me: do your homework
    Me: no
  7. Do you ever bring your pet up to a mirror and you are just like
    “that is you”
  8. We all have our bridges. We’re either crossing them, burning them or jumping off of them.
  9. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. In the middle of opportunity lies me, taking a nap.
  10. “A party without cake is just a meeting.” – Julia Child
  11. People are fake,
    Pizza is real.
  12. Thanks to the words “dude”, “bro”, and “man”, I haven’t said my best friends name in 10 years.
  13. *regrets something I said 4 years ago*
  14. Pretty sure I’m meant to be a weekend person. The lifestyle suits me.
  15. Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new
  16. It’s not that I don’t like you…It’s just that my enthusiasm for your continued existence seems to diminish every time we see each other.
  17. At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
  18. I’m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue…
  19. Anger is a valuable tool. Nothing has done more to change this world for the better than someone who is pissed off at the way things are.
  20. Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Sometimes you miss the dog more than them.

Posted by Witty Hilarious and Ridiculously Funny Status Updates on Sunday, April 12, 2015

Bro Mime’s a Typewriter and it’s awesome..


Ok, now that was ridiculous! Where do people even come up with this stuff? LOL!

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