Grandma Drummer, Baby Dolphin, and Status Jokes

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Status Jokes of the Day:

  1. This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
  2. My moral compass always gets me lost.
  3. Our society has some work to do seeing how as we still can’t teleport, time travel, drive flying car, and nothing has replaced Dippin’ Dots as the ice cream of the future.
  4. I realize that I could never actually have been an astronaut every time I take a flight that lasts more that 45 minutes.
  5. Ignorance is like sleep, your initial reaction is to be angry at the person who wakes you up.
  6. The hardest moment in life isn’t when you’re sad and tears come out of your eyes, but it’s when you’re sad and you’re forced to smile.
  7. I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.
  8. Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
  9. Lawyers talk how Doctors write.
  10. An automatic toilet prematurely flushing is like a waiter pulling your plate before you’ve finished your fries.
  11. 5% of our lives are spent looking for our keys.
  12. I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
  13. Apparently the toilets on display at Home Depot are not for actual use.
  14. That awkward moment when you sing the wrong part of a song with confidence.
  15. I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.
  16. Not having to set an alarm for the next day is one of the best feelings in the world!
  17. I think it’s funny how some people still start off a voicemail with their name like I don’t already have them stored “Hi sweetie, it’s Mom.”
  18. I wish ice cream trucks came around in the middle of the night because that’s when I need them the most.
  19. Common sense should be a super power because sense is not common.
  20. You can go pretty much go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Funny Status iOS

Ever seen a Baby Dolphin before?

adorable baby dolphin

Adorable! Who knew that baby dolphins were so cute! I mean I always imagined it but, this is my first time seeing one and it’s cuter than my imagination ever could have imagined.

EPIC Grandma Drummer:

Grandma is rocking! That was so awesome 🙂 if you enjoyed that video, please share!

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