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Brainy Facebook Status Posts:
- I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
- My internet works super fast only when I’m about to sleep and they ask me the reason for insomnia.
- I hate when I spend the extra money to buy organic vegetables only to get home and find out that I bought REGULAR donuts.
- When a two year old hands you their ringing toy phone, no matter how badass you think you are, you answer it.
- Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.
- I find myself drawn to people that are intelligent and funny…and a little perverted.
- Being an adult is like a “choose your own adventure” book. But every option sounds terrible.
- I live every day like its Taco Tuesday.
- I Googled, “Who gives a shit?” and I was not in the search results.
- I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
- I’m 100% done with today and about 42% done with tomorrow.
- Do you even lift…your hands to the heavens in praise of our lord and savior bro?
- Am I the only one who thinks the Pringles guy and Monopoly guy are related?
- Only two days of your life are less than 24 hours long.
- Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
- No matter how old, rich, or famous you get; you’re never too good for grilled cheese and a juice box.
- I wish I loved anything as much as short guys love being cops.
- I make the other half of the Oreo watch.
- One time I put my phone in my pocket and didn’t take it out for like almost 5 minutes.
- As you take another breath, someone takes their last. Stop complaining; appreciate life.
Little Boy Devastated as Dad Takes His Ear:
Poor kid, thinks the game is real 🙂 but, that’s what makes it cute.
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