Make your weekend last longer, share these…
This Week’s Best Facebook Statuses:
- How can I act normal when you can’t even define it?
- Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.
- A car with a car rack looked like a police car, so I slowed down, only to realize I had been tricked into obeying the law FOR NO REASON.
- Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
- Hey guys, women prefer the strong, silent type. So next time you go to the gym, try and shut the heck up about it.
- I just asked my 8 year old to quit yelling and he said, “I’m NOT yelling. This is my voice and all my life I’ve been whispering. Now I’m free!”
- How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?
- “I love you.” *erases*
“I miss you.” *erases*
“Can we talk?” *erases*
“What’s up?” *sends*
- Always be yourself. Unless you can be a pirate. Then always be a pirate.
- Life begins just on the other side of not giving a crap.
- All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
- I hate idiots that don’t know the difference between their, they’re, there and thare.
- Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
- Live today like it’s your last. But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn’t.
- I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying shit that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
- When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the”
- Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.
- How has sound technology come so far & yet the McDonalds drive-thru still sounds like someone is farting into a walkie-talkie.
- People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
- If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I’m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
Batman Jammies + Puppy = Awesome
So funny & so cute! Share if you loved it 🙂