Good Women, Batman Jammies, & Best Statuses.

Make your weekend last longer, share these…

This Week’s Best Facebook Statuses:

  1. How can I act normal when you can’t even define it?
  2. Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.
  3. A car with a car rack looked like a police car, so I slowed down, only to realize I had been tricked into obeying the law FOR NO REASON.
  4. Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
  5. Hey guys, women prefer the strong, silent type. So next time you go to the gym, try and shut the heck up about it.
  6. I just asked my 8 year old to quit yelling and he said, “I’m NOT yelling. This is my voice and all my life I’ve been whispering. Now I’m free!”
  7. How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?
  8. “I love you.” *erases*
    “I miss you.” *erases*
    “Can we talk?” *erases*
    “What’s up?” *sends*
  9. Always be yourself. Unless you can be a pirate. Then always be a pirate.
  10. Life begins just on the other side of not giving a crap.
  11. All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
  12. I hate idiots that don’t know the difference between their, they’re, there and thare.
  13. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
  14. Live today like it’s your last. But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn’t.
  15. I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying shit that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
  16. When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the”
  17. Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.
  18. How has sound technology come so far & yet the McDonalds drive-thru still sounds like someone is farting into a walkie-talkie.
  19. People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
  20. If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I’m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Batman Jammies + Puppy = Awesome

So funny & so cute! Share if you loved it 🙂

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