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Most Popular Facebook Status Updates this week:
- Whoever said “he’s only a dog” obviously never owned a dog.
- Is it annoying when people answer their own questions? Yes it is. Do I wish they would stop? Absolutely.
- Fact: Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
- My wife asked me to load the dishwasher. So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking. And that’s how the fight started.
- I’m waiting till the iPad 1,473 comes out because it will fly you to the moon while you surf the internet.
- While most people are becoming older and wiser, I’m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
- Life is like a bowel movement, it’s still gonna happen whether your shit’s together or not.
- What I like most about myself is that I’m so understanding when I do something wrong.
- Do you know that feeling when you have a lot of work to do and don’t know where to start? That’s why I’m on Facebook.
- I listen to the first 30-45 seconds of a butt dial like I’m an FBI agent in a surveillance van.
- Know why single women are so thin? They come home, look in the fridge, and go to bed. Married women come home, look in the bed, and go to the fridge.
- I wish there was a medium version of caps lock so you can show you’re enthusiastic about what your saying but its not mistaken for angry yelling.
- I don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works.
- I can no longer “drop it like it’s hot”, so I “squat like it’s warm”.
- Always keep several Get Well cards on the mantel. If unexpected guests arrive, they’ll think you’ve been sick and unable to clean.
- I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
- I dare you to wink as much in real life as you do online.
- Grandma complained that no one ever calls, so I put a “How’s My Driving?” bumper sticker on her car…The phone pretty much rings off the hook now.
- My credit card company called…they want me to leave home without it.
- Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you can’t use any swear words.
Cross Stitched Kitty Meme:
Totally Hipster, Totally Awesome. Share if you likey.
Ladies & Gentlemen, the incredible Beatboxing Goat:
Pretty impressive I guess, for a goat. Liked that video? Shares it!