Happy Tuesday, make someones day, share one of these…
Best Facebook Status Updates:
- “I saw this shit coming and I still did nothing about it” – the story of my life
- I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.
- Fun prank: put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.
- I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
- I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
- Don’t judge my grocery cart! You have no idea the emotions I’m trying to eat!
- You add about as much value as the “g” in lasagna.
- I’m not always sarcastic. Sometimes I sleep.
- I don’t know why I’m disappointed when I find out a celebrity crush is married. As if that was our only obstacle to being together.
- I work well with others when they leave me alone.
- Well, well, well, if it isn’t the guy whose name I don’t remember.
- Taking your pants off is a good way to let someone know you feel comfortable in their home.
- Life is a gift. You never get the one you really wanted.
- Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant?
- Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
- I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
- I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn’t think she knew about.
- Don’t be afraid to dream. Reality’s not going anywhere.
- Snow is like people: a little bit can be beautiful, too much sucks; and when it sticks around for too long it can make murdery feelings.
- After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it’s true calling helping people wink online 😉
Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…
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