Girl Makes Dolphin Laugh, Fast Typers, and Best Facebook Status Updates

FunnyStatus Team

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Happy Tuesday, make someones day, share one of these…

Best Facebook Status Updates:

“I saw this shit coming and I still did nothing about it” – the story of my life
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.
Fun prank: put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
Don’t judge my grocery cart! You have no idea the emotions I’m trying to eat!
You add about as much value as the “g” in lasagna.
I’m not always sarcastic. Sometimes I sleep.
I don’t know why I’m disappointed when I find out a celebrity crush is married. As if that was our only obstacle to being together.
I work well with others when they leave me alone.
Well, well, well, if it isn’t the guy whose name I don’t remember.
Taking your pants off is a good way to let someone know you feel comfortable in their home.
Life is a gift. You never get the one you really wanted.
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant?
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn’t think she knew about.
Don’t be afraid to dream. Reality’s not going anywhere.
Snow is like people: a little bit can be beautiful, too much sucks; and when it sticks around for too long it can make murdery feelings.
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it’s true calling helping people wink online 😉