Gillette Razors, Obedient Kitty, & Artful Status Updates

Fact: friends comments more on funny statuses…

20 Artful Facebook Statuses:

  1. I’m starting a fight club, but with naps instead. The first rule remains the same.
  2. You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
  3. Having female friends is a lot like having a pet tiger. Fun in theory, but you’re always waiting for the day they turn on you.
  4. If you want me to leave your website in less than a second just have music automatically start playing.
  5. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.
  6. Hi I’m a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
  7. I make sure I’m only with smart people when I walk through the streets of Manhattan just in case we wind up in the Cash Cab.
  8. I don’t do dishes. When I’m done eating, I smash plates on the floor and walk out of the dining room like a rockstar.
  9. Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there’s a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
  10. Why is the media so negative? Instead of “Polar Bear Kills Alaskan Teen”, why not “Alaskan Teen Feeds Starving Polar Bear”?
  11. Politicians hate each other more than they love America.
  12. If you have to question whether or not your behavior is acceptable – it’s probably not.
  13. I wish I could have as much fun making money as I do spending it.
  14. You know your vacation sucks when you’re constantly writing updates about it on Facebook.
  15. I like how the package for cotton swabs says don’t put them in your ears and everyone in the world is thinking: “WTF else would I do with them?!”
  16. Today, at Starbucks, when the lady asked for my name, I told her “Voldemort”. When the guy called out the name for pick-up, he said, “VOL…uhhh…’He Who Must Not Be Named'”. EPIC WIN!
  17. If the machines rise at the same time the apes do, we are so screwed!
  18. Whenever a bird poops on my car I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just to let them know what I’m capable of!
  19. In successful relationships, no one wears the pants.
  20. “I know” – best response to someone telling you your fly is open

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Free Timeline Covers

Gillette Razors are pretty darn good…

Gillette Fusion

Very effective, indeed. Share this hilarious picture on your newsfeed for guaranteed likes.

Extremely Obedient Kitty:

Who knew that Cats could be that obedient? Pretty impressive 🙂 Share!

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