Facebook Status Updates

Giant Panda Snow, Sloth, and 20 Cute Statuses.

Editorial Team

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20 Cute Facebook Statuses:

Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
Getting real sick of your shit, winter.
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
He who conquers others is strong. He who conquers himself is mighty.
It’s a shame how so many of you have such nice, expensive, in many cases even brand new cars and yet the turn signals don’t seem to work.
The Walmart Diet: You walk around the store for an hour and come out feeling skinny.
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.
Dear food, will you be my Valentine?
A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.
Girls who say, “a lot of guys are after me”, should keep in mind that low prices always attract many customers.
Flappy bird is like the new angry bird except this time I am the angry one.
Rules for texting a girl: 1. Don’t take 40 minutes to reply. 2. Use good grammar. 3. Ask Questions. 4. Use the 🙂 face.
I love it when I catch you looking at me, then you smile and look away.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
Every time I hear a strange noise at night, I mentally prepare to fight off an intruder. If it’s a velociraptor, I’m also totally ready.
My 3-year-old has two speeds: YOU CAN’T MAKE ME and FACE PLANT.
“Keep this just between you and me” is a guarantee everyone will know by the end of the day.
From what I’ve heard, there are actaully people whose paychecks last all the way to the next paycheck! I know! I didn’t believe it either.
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
I am used but in good condition.