Gator Catching, Santa Time, & Spunky Status Updates

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Spunky Status Updates:

  1. That awkward moment when your Amazon delivery drone just hovers there, waiting for a tip.
  2. Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
  3. Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
  4. When I learned what calculators did, I immediately cleared the “math” part of my brain to make room for more movie quotes.
  5. The “thank you wave” after letting someone merge their car in front of yours is the only thing holding this fragile society together.
  6. Forgiveness is not about excusing a transgression. It is about choosing not to live with hatred.
  7. Let’s be the generation that stops putting things in our butts and having to go to the emergency room to get them taken out, shall we?
  8. Your girl using your phone is like a cop trailing you. Even if you’re innocent, you still feel like you got a kilo of blow in the trunk.
  9. People who hide their feelings usually care the most.
  10. A mistress is something between a Mister and a mattress.
  11. WANTED: Hoarder to come and gather up all my random shit and drag it back to their hoarding lair.
  12. Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
  13. I think I’ll just replace my mailbox with a recycle bin, you know to cut out the middle man
  14. I always feel awkward sitting around waiting for people to show up. That’s why I’m always late. I don’t care if you’re late, just be less late than me.
  15. Once again, wished upon a star and got nothing. Thanks Disney for all these broken dreams!
  16. There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
  17. If you’re going to call your wifi network “Wireless”, at least have the courtesy to make the password “password”
  18. If I could trade places with anyone for a day it would have to be on the day I die because I wouldn’t want to be me when that happens.
  19. I danced like no one was watching. Court date is pending.
  20. Profanity is most useful when you need to hide your inability to recall the right word in a heated moment.

 Yesterdays Status Updates… | Best Stocking Stuffer Under $25

Almost Time for Santa…

Don’t test me! I have his number saved in my favorites!

Warning, Don’t Try This At Home:


That guy has some guts to pull that maneuver. Crazy! Share if you thought that was nuts 😛

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