Spruce your Status Up, Share these…
Spunky Status Updates:
- That awkward moment when your Amazon delivery drone just hovers there, waiting for a tip.
- Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
- Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
- When I learned what calculators did, I immediately cleared the “math” part of my brain to make room for more movie quotes.
- The “thank you wave” after letting someone merge their car in front of yours is the only thing holding this fragile society together.
- Forgiveness is not about excusing a transgression. It is about choosing not to live with hatred.
- Let’s be the generation that stops putting things in our butts and having to go to the emergency room to get them taken out, shall we?
- Your girl using your phone is like a cop trailing you. Even if you’re innocent, you still feel like you got a kilo of blow in the trunk.
- People who hide their feelings usually care the most.
- A mistress is something between a Mister and a mattress.
- WANTED: Hoarder to come and gather up all my random shit and drag it back to their hoarding lair.
- Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
- I think I’ll just replace my mailbox with a recycle bin, you know to cut out the middle man
- I always feel awkward sitting around waiting for people to show up. That’s why I’m always late. I don’t care if you’re late, just be less late than me.
- Once again, wished upon a star and got nothing. Thanks Disney for all these broken dreams!
- There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
- If you’re going to call your wifi network “Wireless”, at least have the courtesy to make the password “password”
- If I could trade places with anyone for a day it would have to be on the day I die because I wouldn’t want to be me when that happens.
- I danced like no one was watching. Court date is pending.
- Profanity is most useful when you need to hide your inability to recall the right word in a heated moment.
Almost Time for Santa…
Don’t test me! I have his number saved in my favorites!
Warning, Don’t Try This At Home:
That guy has some guts to pull that maneuver. Crazy! Share if you thought that was nuts 😛