From this week on Facebook…
The 20 Funniest Facebook Statuses:
- If someone says “pinch me, I must be dreaming”. You shouldn’t pinch them, because if they wake up you stop existing.
- I wonder if Apple called their new watch the Apple Watch because iWatch would just be creepy.
- If ghosts existed, why are they all apparently from the last 100 years or so? Wouldn’t there be evidence of a Neanderthal ghost here and there?
- Laminate your index cards when studying. Not only does it prevent smearing, but the teardrops actually roll right off.
- The Rocky Mountains is an extremely lazy name for a mountain range.
- If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
- Rap is all about poor people bragging about being rich, while country is rich people bragging about being poor.
- There is no “i” in team…there is however an “i” in ‘win’, ‘achievement’, ‘prevail’, ‘triumph’, ‘first place’, ‘gold medalist’ and ‘champion’.
- Reckless driving is bad, and wreckless driving is good.
- When I die, I want my grave to offer free Wifi so that people visit more often.
- Do you think there are more spoons than people?
- Chuck Norris will eventually die, and on that day the internet will turn into the biggest shit show we have ever seen.
- To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
- Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
- “Ladies first” was probably invented by a dude who enjoyed admiring women from behind.
- You should be able to downvote google links that were completely worthless or spammy.
- You don’t kill time, times kills you.
- If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
- Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.
- Do you ever just think about the first time you met someone and compare it to where you guys are now and it’s like wow who knew this would happen.
Power of a Car Horn…
Sometimes I wish my car horn wielded that kind of power.
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