Aloha! Make your Facebook friends smile with these…
Great Status Updates for every occasion:
War does not determine who is right – only who is left. (Courtesy of our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone/iPod App)
- The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of your own sentence, that way they will just think you lost service.
- Do you find yourself saying “righty tighty and lefty loosey” when tightening or unscrewing anything?
- You should have to apply for a permit before you’re allowed to use the “Reply All” button.
Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.
- I am actually quite pleasant until I’m awake. ツ (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page)
- Just got on email from Myspace asking “Where Have You Been?” Well Myspace, it hasn’t been 2006 in awhile.
- I wonder if I’ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying “there’s one.”
I may be getting older, but I’ve still got it. But lately, nobody wants to see it.
- Inside me is a skinny woman screaming to get out. I can usually shut her up with a cookie.
- “I’m Single ” doesn’t mean ” I’m looking for somebody “, just thought you should know.
- ❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!
Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects. Whenever I mention sex, they object.
- If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2? (VIA our Twitter: @FreeFunnyStuff )
- Don’t you hate, waking up earlier than you were supposed to but being unable to fall back to sleep? I hate that!
*BONUS* Grammar Lesson Status:
- THEY’RE going THERE with THEIR friends. Seriously folks, it’s not rocket science.
Funny Picture to Post:
Post that one and wait for your Facebook friends captions and likes to multiply.
Guilty Dog with a Priceless Face:
Hahaha, I’m calling Viral Hit right there! Remember where you saw it first 😉 Post that on your Facebook profile wall before all your friends see that one. Classic!
If you still need more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post: “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App and visit our new sister website WittyStatus where you can submit statuses and vote on them!