You Have Fall Break?
Here, let me ruin that for you!
20 Funny Statuses:
- When I go running, I usually meet new people….. like paramedics.
- It’s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
- Wine doesn’t have many vitamins. That’s why you have to drink a lot of it.
- You should never lie through your teeth. Open your mouth and speak properly.
- Next time you go to the bank and they ask you if you’d like large bills, just look at them dead serious and say “No, normal size ones if you don’t mind.”
- Be thankful your GPS doesn’t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
- I’m at my neighbor’s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
- I’m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I’m sure it has Rabies.
- I would like to think that I’ll die heroic death saving someone’s life but it’s more likely I’ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
- If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
- Got kicked out of the local casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
- When I think of you I touch myself … On my temples … You give me a migraine.
- Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw.
- I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said “Good afternoon folks” they will let you take their order.
- Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.
- Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms…
- Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17
- I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
- Sorry I’m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic
- Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, “I don’t think you’re supposed call people that any more.”
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Ordering At Restaurants
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