Fainting Squirrel, When You See It, and Clever Statuses.

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20 Clever Facebook Statuses:

  1. Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.
  2. If those Amazon drones can really get to your house in 30 minutes then condoms are about to become their #1 selling item.
  3. I’d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
  4. When you’re trying to get out of someone’s way, and you both step the same way…twice.
  5. That awkward moment when you have 5 minutes left for your exam, and suddenly you remember everything.
  6. It would be helpful to have the audience from “The Price is Right” around when I am making those critical life decisions.
  7. This is how my week goes:
    Mooooonnnnnddaaaaaaaaay
    Tueeeesssdaaaaaaayyyyy
    Weeedddnnnesssdayyyyy
    Thursssssdaaaaaaaayyyyy
    FridaySaturdaySunday
  8. How does Netflix stream HD Full Movies with ease all day long and Youtube can’t even load a 10second video?
  9. If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
  10. Definitely thought we’d have some futuristic Jetsons shit by now.
  11. I ordered the food, seat-I’d care more about your feelings if they came with a toy and chicken nuggets.
  12. belted the dog in the drivers seat and pushed the car up to the drive-thru window
  13. I was so pissed at my parents when I found out Santa wasn’t real, I stormed out of the house, got in my car and just drove and drove.
  14. I love sleep because its like a time machine to breakfast.
  15. Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud.
  16. People that do stuff- what’s your secret?
  17. Dear middle finger, thanks for always standing up for me.
  18. You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
  19. Only kids count sheep to fall asleep. Count your debts, your mistakes, your heartache and cry yourself to sleep like a grownup!!!
  20. Yeah dating is cool and all but, have you ever had stuffed crust pizza???

 Yesterdays Status Updates… | Best Stocking Stuffer Under $25

Fainting Squirrel:

ROFL! Squirrels are so funny to watch.

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