Facebook Status Updates that ROCK!


Welcome back! Updated daily with the funniest statuses around town…

Funny Statuses for Facebook:

  • I cheated on a test. Yeah, I Tiger Woods’d a test.
  • After 10 Dos Equis beers, I think I’m the most interesting man in the world.
  • In summary, my life is a white button down shirt at an all you can eat spaghetti buffet.
  • What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook.
  • Currently working on an app for lonely people called “Words With Cats”.
  • If I ever become president, everyone will recieve a pet unicorn and a midget sidekick.
  • I solve many of my problems by simply ignoring them.
  • Dear Chiquita: I have your new slogan: “Constipated? Try a banana! Not like that, silly!”
  • When I grow up I want to be a kid. ツ (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page)
  • I just took the garbage out. In 3D.
  • Prison seems to have it all. Free food, free housing, free sex.
  • I put the ‘toast’ in ‘toaster’. Then I take the ‘toast’ out of the ‘toaster’.
  • If I knit you a sweater, Computer, will you stop freezing?
  • The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

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Post this picture of a super cute newborn polar bear and get tons of comments/likes:

newboard baby polar bear

Funny Video to Post:


If you still need more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  “Like” our FB Fan PageDownload our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App and visit our new sister website WittyStatus where you can submit statuses and vote on them!