Make your weekend count, share these…
Top 20 Statuses this week on Facebook:
- Remember when there was nothing to check and no device to check it on and all you did was live your life?
- So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
- I don’t think of it as eating grapes, I think of it as preventing future raisins. Some call me a hero.
- I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations.
- New rule: unless you punched a shark in the face to dislodge that tooth, you’re not allowed to wear it on a necklace.
- I’m all for change as long as it doesn’t directly affect my routine.
- It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
- I keep forgetting – which Disney princess is it who solves all her own problems without trying to find a boyfriend?
- I’m assuming Greek yogurt is just regular yogurt but with way more hair.
- Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
- FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
- Hey, girls who won’t stop talking about how much you love sports: We get it. You want a boyfriend.
- I’m surprised more people don’t Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
- I am constantly putting things where they don’t belong, like the cereal in the fridge or my keys in the laundry or my faith in other people.
- Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
- I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights….just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a train.
- Hey scientists, you gave us Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra. How about you stop playing with your dicks and give us something for cancer?
- It’s been five minutes since Adobe asked me to install an update. I hope they didn’t go out of business or something.
- Millions of men have fought and died just so you have the right to…go on a website and whine about your ever so slightly imperfect life
- I saved a TON of money today by not being a shortsighted, materialistic idiot.
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