EPIC Pen Spinning, Horrible Hiccups, and Top Statuses

Make your weekend count, share these…

Top 20 Statuses this week on Facebook:

  1. Remember when there was nothing to check and no device to check it on and all you did was live your life?
  2. So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
  3. I don’t think of it as eating grapes, I think of it as preventing future raisins. Some call me a hero.
  4. I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations.
  5. New rule: unless you punched a shark in the face to dislodge that tooth, you’re not allowed to wear it on a necklace.
  6. I’m all for change as long as it doesn’t directly affect my routine.
  7. It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
  8. I keep forgetting – which Disney princess is it who solves all her own problems without trying to find a boyfriend?
  9. I’m assuming Greek yogurt is just regular yogurt but with way more hair.
  10. Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
  11. FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
  12. Hey, girls who won’t stop talking about how much you love sports: We get it. You want a boyfriend.
  13. I’m surprised more people don’t Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
  14. I am constantly putting things where they don’t belong, like the cereal in the fridge or my keys in the laundry or my faith in other people.
  15. Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
  16. I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights….just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a train.
  17. Hey scientists, you gave us Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra. How about you stop playing with your dicks and give us something for cancer?
  18. It’s been five minutes since Adobe asked me to install an update. I hope they didn’t go out of business or something.
  19. Millions of men have fought and died just so you have the right to…go on a website and whine about your ever so slightly imperfect life
  20. I saved a TON of money today by not being a shortsighted, materialistic idiot.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

When You Got The Hiccups Real Bad…

EPIC Pen Spinning…

Whoa, I had no clue you could do so much with a Pen. Dat Leg Move Doe! Some might say these guys have the skills to pay the bills.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.