Pick, Post, and watch the likes roll in…
20 Killer Facebook Status Posts:
- I always wrap someone’s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
- Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
- The slow motion scene where the person walks away from an explosion but it’s me walking away from self checkout without needing assistance.
- Fun Fact: You can win all arguments with your man by putting on yoga pants and walking away.
- The beauty of vodka is that it looks like water. The beauty of the workplace is that water bottles are allowed.
- Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.
- 1 in every 3 people is ugly! So, look to your right, then to your left. If they aren’t, guess what?
- THIS JUST IN: The sun came out and dried up all the rain. No sign of Itsy. Spider family worried. For details tune in tonight at 5
- If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn’t at work anymore.
- Don’t bother flirting with the girl from accounting, she knows how much money you really make.
- It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
- Look closely at the word “OK” it’s a sideways person.
- I bought 2 fish and named one, “one” and the other “two”, so when “one” dies I will still have “two”.
- Actually it only takes me 1 drink to get drunk. The trouble is I can’t remember if it’s the 13th or 14th.
- That mini heart attack you have when you send a text to the wrong person.
- Marriage is grand; divorce, a hundred grand.
- Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
- The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
- Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
- Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
EPIC Kiss Cam (Wait for it!)
Well played, sir! Good job with the extra preparation and making us wait for it 🙂 Share if you thought that was hilarious.