Facebook Status Updates

Dumb Blond, Cutest Stretch EvAR, and Monday Status Updates

Editorial Team

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Score more Monday Likes, share these…

Monday Facebook Statuses:

The longest minutes are always spent in front of the microwave.
If I ever write a love song it will be about a guy who doesn’t snore and loves to cook.
“Does size matter?” “Yes I told you 2 inches makes a huge difference. Now just buy the damn laptop dad, this conversation is creeping me out”.
Do your eyes ever randomly go out of focus and then you are too lazy to focus them back in and just stare at nothing for a while?
I don’t understand people who only sleep with one pillow.
If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
Only in America would they name a State after a bucket of fried chicken.
You haven’t experienced awkward until you’ve tried tickling someone who isn’t ticklish.
Good thing I’m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.
Things that scare me:
1. Spiders
2. Snakes
3. Drawn on eye brows
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
Unless you’re music, I don’t want to listen to you in the morning.
In awkward situations, we all pretend to text.
Have you noticed that the symbol “&” looks like a man dragging his ass across the floor?
Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions… chocolate understands.
I would lose weight… but I hate losing.
Well, I’m off to club Bed. Featuring DJ Pillow and Mc Blanky.
LIKE and see what happens!
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