Weekends never last long enough, make someone smile – share one of these…
Funny Thoughts for your Status Update:
- If you command me to do something that I was already planning on doing the chances of me doing that thing automatically drop to zero.
- Based on your eyebrows, you have no business giving anyone advice on life.
- If only I was given a dollar for every time I made myself look stupid in front of a cute person.
- “I don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
- Food is my favorite. If I ever share it with you, then you’re pretty damn special.
- If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
- Nothing ruins the high of pay day quite like the low of bill pay day.
- Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
- I only support ghost hunting if you need the ghost for food.
- Dear Ninja Turtles, Why are you wearing masks? There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one’s gonna mistake a different turtle for you.
- Why “Trojan” condoms? Didn’t the Trojan horse burst open & thousands of little guys poured out? Less than stellar marketing.
- “Tyler Perry presents: Tyler Perry in Tyler Perry’s Tyler Perry.”
- The odds that you’d ever exist were 1 in 10^2685000. You are a miracle – and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
- Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.
- “It’s a long story.” – people who don’t want to talk about whatever you just asked about.
- Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
- Don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty ass elsewhere.
- Netflix is like meth for people who hate doing things.
- I don’t understand why people get angry someone breaks up with them by text. I used to break up with people by just never talking to them again.
- It’s been five minutes since Adobe asked me to install an update. I hope they didn’t go out of business or something.
Drought My Ass…
Every year there’s a drought. Ya, right! Ignore this dirt I’m drinking 😉